I've been sitting in the middle of my living room floor for hours, sorting through hoarder-like piles of design mags and Star Wars memorabilia, trying to decide what to keep and what to trash. There is a certain emptiness to letting go, especially when you don't know what's next. I find that I want to cling to the things that I've carried with me for comfort and familiarity in the face of great change and the unknown. It could be as simple as throwing away an old t shirt (Phish tour '94?), or as complicated as letting go of someone that I love , but when things and people that I've held close make their departure, they seem to create a vacuum that begs to be filled with something, anything, to make the emptiness go away. It's the emptiness that gets me, that feeling that wants to reach out and grab the first thing I touch to fill the void. Just to make it stop.
Through yoga I am learning to breathe through that feeling, to remember the lesson of un-attachment, to let the experience wash over me and accept it for what it is, learn from it, move through it without looking to solve everything right away. If I can just give myself time to adjust, I will find the perfect thing to fill that new space and, until I do, it is not empty, but full of possibility.
That's the thing about not knowing what's next - it could be anything. That's the thing about the flow, it keeps you guessing, it keeps things exciting, it guarantees that things will continue to move and that you will continue to grow. Knowing what's coming limits your options and your ability to create your life. Knowing what's coming stops you from asking 'what if' and reaching for bigger and better. Knowing is the opposite of dreaming, and I never want to stop dreaming.
Here's to the blank page.