Day 36: So It Goes
"I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center. ... Big, undreamed-of things — the people on the edge see them first.'' ~Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
As of today, I am 36 days in, and I have 23 classes in the bag (on the mat?). I have some time to make up, for sure.
While I set out with a simple goal - to do yoga everyday for 108 days - the experience has turned into something quite unexpected. I am reminded that while the concept provided structure, the real objective was obviously something deeper. I've seen how much yoga has changed me since I started back seriously in October, and I wanted to see how far I could take it, not just prove that I could work out everyday for four months. Making this commitment to myself has reminded me of a few things.
Routine is just a framework for our lives - not life in and of itself. I forget this sometimes. I get so caught up in the to-do, accomplish, complete, repeat cycle that I forget to actually live my life. The last few weeks have been full of work and travel and moving and not much yoga, but I catch a class here and there to bring me back into the awareness of what it is I'm trying to do - just as I reconnect to my intention for my practice every time i bring my hands to my heart. Routine gives us a place to work from, a place to come back to after we've returned from the edge. So these weeks of upheaval have forced me out of my routine and reminded me to live the life I love, not the life that fits my schedule. I've missed class because I felt like eating doughnuts, because I drank too much champagne, because I slept in, because I had to work, because I wanted to travel, because I went to see a band. I miss class sometimes because I have a life.
While yoga continues to be a huge part of my life - I have realized that it can't be my life. It gives me the strength and confidence to fling myself out to the edge, where I like to spend most of my time these days, and provides a balance between 'reach' and 'restore' that I desperately need.