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Hump Day Heroics: Love. Now.

Because I don't have all day.  I've never been one to sit around and wait for things to change. Ask the boyfriend I left in Montana for a lucrative bar gig and a shortsighted master's degree. Or the one I abandoned in Baltimore when I walked away from someone else's dream job to make a new life for myself in the mountains of Colorado. Or the bosses I've walked out on because I was bored or felt undervalued. I've always followed my heart, often much to the dismay of my brain (and my bank account), and while the results are mixed, the process has always served me well.

Because "fine" just isn't.

When you have a cute boyfriend, a great job offer, a swanky apartment and a sweet car, you do everything in your power to hold on to those things, no? You put it back together after a fight, buy stylish lamps, get your car detailed regularly, and keep your bangs trimmed. You remind yourself that your degree came with a 6 figure price tag and everything you do for the rest of your life will be to pay that bitch off. Keep your head above water. Stay the course. Pay the bills.

But there's another bitch that comes calling: truth. You may also know her as love, beauty, inspiration, passion, destiny. And she will drive your little car right off the highway of expectations and into a ditch. A ditch full of DREAMS. Because a life of love is never linear. You're never going from point A to point B. Sometimes you're headed from point suck to point no-fucking-clue, but it's still not going to be on a damn highway. Go ahead and get ready for there to be some speed bumps. No one ever said that this would be easy, but from what I've seen it's going to be worth it.

Because "work" shouldn't be.

Man, have I had some jobs. I've got 4 W-2's from 2012 alone. I've worked for the money, for the man, for the perks and for myself, but I've never worked for the love of it. When I was in Baltimore, interviewing with Johns Hopkins for the holy grail of acupuncture jobs, I realized something: I went to grad school for something bigger, for freedom, for independence. I didn't get a $100,000 degree so that I could work 70 hours a week in East Baltimore. This was it - why was I running? This was the dream, but it wasn't mine.

So I left. My boyfriend, my job, my apartment, my things. I used my savings to buy out of a job contract and a lease. I put my dog and my yoga mat and whatever else fit into my tiny car and I started driving. I was halfway across the country with $600, no job, nowhere to live and no plan when my folks called and asked, "what are you going to do?" I had no idea, but that was better than what I'd knowingly left behind.

Because waiting is not a neutral act. 

Things don't just happen to youAction is the result of action - even when that action is doing nothing. Waiting is an act. Passive, yes, but powerful in its ability to delay. When I don't like something, I set an intention to change it, even if only in my mind, and the pieces start moving into place right away. If I wait, I am only delaying the inevitable. I had a job once that I knew wasn't right for me, and I created an opportunity to move into something that served me. I made a phone call. I sent an email. I set things in motion, and the inertia of my intention carried me forward. When you start to move, the universe moves with you.

The Supreme Court may elect to let marriage equality remain a state issue, but that doesn't mean that grassroots efforts won't continue to change things, that public support won't continue to grow. You can be damn well sure that this issue will only gain momentum regardless of the court's ruling. A life of love will not be stopped.

 

Inertia at work.

Because you can't carry it with you.

Well, not all of it. The memories, the lessons, sure. But all the shoes, photos, loves, lamps, beliefs, books... stuff gets heavy. Attachment weighs you down. And when you lose the weight, in whatever form, old stuff doesn't fit anymore. You have to let it go. You have to love what is, not what was or even what will be.

In the last month I've ditched clothes, shoes, skis, sunglasses, 400 facebook friends, 3 exes and 8 pounds. Needless to say, I feel lighter.

It feels empty - which is scary at first - but then it feels so spacious, this not having. I've pared my inner circle down to about 5 people, 5 who I trust, 5 who I know will be there for me, 5 who get it. I don't waste time explaining myself to people anymore.I have a closet full of clothes that I know fit. I have a heart free of old love and old expectation, a heart free to do as it pleases. I could have it all and that possibility is worth more than everything I've given up.

Because "Love"  is all you need. 

It's everything. Start doing what you love and love will find you. Hate your job? Quit. Your girlfriend's a bitch? Dump her. Your car guzzles gas? Buy a bike. Get over the hate and get on with life. You get to do this once.

Love. Now.

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