I Want to Break Free
There is a pose, I'm not going to say which one because I don't want to let the disfunction of our relationship get blown out of proportion, but there is a pose that I struggle with to no end. Last night, I wanted more than anything to break through whatever it is that is holding me, quite literally, to the ground in this pose, and preventing me from feeling light and strong. I did not break free, but instead I gave in to my frustration, to my basest emotional nature, and hated every minute we spent in the stupid pose. I felt as though I were banging my head against a wall, over and over and over and wondering why my head had started to hurt. I realized that I had two options: I could change my approach, or I could change my expectation.
Interestingly, and not surprisingly, there is a situation off the mat that feels just as heavy. My finances have always been a problem for me, and they quite literally hold me down sometimes. I just bear the burden and trudge through paying my bills, hating the last few days of the month because I know what is coming. I see the parallel between what's going on with me on and off the mat, and I'm hoping, praying, that when one situation resolves, the other will follow suit. That's not to say that as soon as I solve my financial issues I will suddenly find myself in the fullest expression of the pose-that-shall-not-be-named, but that the extra stress and worry that surround it may be alleviated somewhat. And, on the flip side, if one day I find that I can, in fact push up into this oppressive asana, I know that the strength I find there will serve me in other ways as well.
In both scenarios, I have to change how I am doing things. Maybe in the pose I need to activate my core to achieve a better result and with regard to money I need to be clearer about my priorities. Either way, given that I'm not willing to let go of the expectation of success, I need to change my approach if I am going to achieve something greater.
So here's to looking at things differently, getting creative and pressing forward towards success.
Onward + Upward!