Confession: My #GOALS Are Bullshit

I need to come clean.

Yesterday I posted to my IG stories in a way that might make it look like I’m crushing my #2019goals.


Here’s the truth:


A) That post was supposed to be funny right up against the post that followed showing me drinking a beer.

B) Everything that I mentioned in that post was started long before January 1st.

Let’s be clear, my goals for 2019 are not:

  1. Start Keto Diet.

  2. Start working out 5 days / week.

  3. Begin a meditation practice.

My actual goals for this year are to blog weekly (slow start, yes I know), make moves on my podcast (I’m in the process of editing the first two), read 50+ books (I’m at 10 but I’ve put 3 or 4 down because they weren’t that interesting), find my #dreamjob (so close!), move my bod everyday (most of the time), eat in line with my values (most of the time), and land a column in a major magazine where I can discuss topics related to fitness and wellness that help women love their bodies. *NOTE: all of these have qualifiers. Nothing is do/don’t do black and white, because: everything is a process.

I started messing around with keto in December of 2016. I started going to Pure Barre in 2013. I began my meditation practice exactly a year ago. So my goals were really about refining things that I was already working on, which makes building and maintaining momentum much easier. This isn’t to say that if you didn’t start any of these things forever ago that you should just sack out and eat a box of donuts, but rather that the best way to gain some forward momentum on anything that you care about is to just start where you are with what you like and see where you can up the intensity in a way that makes you feel good.

It’s taken me actual years to figure out keto in a way that makes sense in my body and feels good. The first time I did it I gained 12 pounds in 2 months! I’m still trying to find the balance that makes the most sense for me because in spite of having lost 6lbs (I’ve gained 3 or 4 of muscle so maybe lost 10lbs of fat? - dunno) I also lost my period so I still don’t have it figured out. I’ve given up Bulletproof coffee and added some healthy carbs like yams back in to tweak my macros in a way that might work better for me and my hormones.

I’ve played around with my workouts - CrossFit, yoga, online programs that I do in the gym at my building, running, etc. - but coming back to Pure Barre feels sustainable because it feels so good in my body. No matter how tired or sore I am, I can always make it to class. It’s a great place to make friends. It leaves me humming on endorphins and with more energy than when I started. And it’s the best place to blow off steam from a shitty date or a crap night at work or whatever feels like it’s dragging me down.

I took the Transcendental Meditation course in February of 2018 and had a committed twice daily practice until I moved to Denver last summer. For whatever reason, the change in my routine sidelined my meditation. However, when I realized how much I wanted #dreamjob, I began to see the value of reinvigorating…er, resuscitating my practice, and when I found Ziva Meditation, it was really just a tweak to something that my body already knew how to do, so putting that back in place was pretty easy. Also, for whatever reason, the Ziva formula of 2 minutes of mindfulness + 15 minutes of meditation + 2 minutes of manifestation feels RILL GOOD and leaves me with a body buzz that is right up there with edibles. Again, just a tweak.

And I write this because, sweet lord, please don’t think that I just woke up on January 1st and decided change my diet and start meditating and get in shape and poof, two months later I’ve done it!

Really what I did was go to bed on December 31st having decided (after months/years of working/thinking) to make certain parts of my life (movement, food, mental health) a priority to support other parts of my life (work, creativity, relationships) so that everything works together in way that feels sustainable and let’s me do the things that I care about and put some good out into the world.

And if my sharing this helps you make small changes to feel good and move forward on any of the things that you care about, then I’ll add that to my 2019 list of #bullshitgoals!