I have a certain compulsion to push, stretch and challenge myself toward these ever-farther away goals and missions. Having done 108 days of yoga, 30 days of yoga, 30 days of riding my bike, reminding myself to floss, going vegan, wearing only 6 pieces of clothing, etc. I'm starting to wonder at what point I'll know that I can do anything for any period of time and just be good with it. I signed up for a 40 Days to Personal Revolution program through the Baptiste Power Yoga studio here in Boulder, mostly for the companionship with a few new friends of mine and the opportunity to grow my practice in a new way. The resistance I felt after our first session gave me pause.
Why do I not want to be here?
Why do I feel a huge sense of obligation around this?
Why do I look at this schedule and start having palpitations?
The studio is gorgeous, the teachers are amazing and the folks involved in the program are definitely peeps I'd love to get to know.
But my current studio is fantastic, the classes are transformational and all of my friends go there. So... why do I need to fuck with that?
I realized that there was a time in my life when I needed constant upheaval and excavation because I was trying find myself, find meaning in my everyday life, discover a sense of purpose around how I invested my time. So I took on this sort of thing, to push / stretch / etc. and I've learned a lot after three years of constant searching. As a result, now I know some stuff, and you know what? I want to enjoy what I've learned for a hot sec. I want these new lessons to settle in and become an organic part of who I am. I've had a surprising number of people that I know comment recently on how grounded I seem and how much they appreciate my perspective. If you've been reading this blog at all, you know what I've been through and that there have been MANY times when I've been any thing BUT grounded. But the feedback I've gotten has been incredibly validating because it means that something in me has changed. Other people (who don't read this) actually see it. Maybe I've accomplished whatever it was I was after in all the pushing and challenging and goal setting. Apparently this shit works. Thank god.
And for the record, I get that the journey is the destination and all, but when you get to the top of a mountain, you stop for a minute and have a look around, right?. To just truck up and over without enjoying the view would be fucking dumb.
So here's to the view. It's not the top, by any means, but it's certainly a higher place than I've ever been and I'm going to stick around for a bit and enjoy the exhilaration that comes with being able to see out and over. The valley of revolution will always be waiting, I have no doubt.